That Time I was Drugged in Nassau

As if going on a Carnival Cruise weren’t bad enough, apparently “that time some thing horrifying happened to me far away” is becoming a series. (see, that time I was kidnapped in Arusha).

I’ve previously written about Nassau and taken a “come on guys, it’s not so bad” stance.  I still maintain that it’s not that bad, primarily because of the John Watlings Distillery, but Nassau is certainly doing it’s best to try and change my opinion.

Anyone who’s been on a cruise knows that Nassau is not your favorite port, to the point that most frequent cruisers I know don’t even get off the boat.  On the Carnival Sensation that wasn’t an option.  No one in the world ever has been so excited to go to Nassau… Ever.  For real, we were the first off the boat.

When we pulled into Nassau our cruise director made an announcement, presumably to scare people into spending money on Carnival’s excursions, about the crime warning issued by the U.S..  American’s are such scaredy cats.  What’s the worst that could happen? (Carnival should seriously consider using this as their slogan).

We got off anyway, so angry at Carnival Cruise Lines that we were not about to give them another dime of our money or minute of our time.  This was our chance to not be on that boat for a few hours.

Of course, we made our way to the John Watlings Distillery first since it’s my favorite.  The trek there is through residential areas that, were you to be the kind of person that heeds crime warnings from your government, may make you a bit uncomfortable, but it’s totally worth it.

We took the complementary tour and then found the best deal on the island.  A rum tasting, a shot of each of their 3 rums, for only $6!

After we finished, and determined not to go back to the boat until we absolutely had to, we grabbed some drinks for the road and headed back towards the port.

Our next stop was Fat Tuesdays for daiquiris and more sad pictures of the Disney Magic.

This was about the time that the Magic left port and we genuinely considered swimming out in front of it.  I’m pretty sure they have to take you in under maritime law.  I would be willing to walk out on all of my luggage to avoid another 2 nights on the Carnival Sensation.

“Ugh, it’s about time to make our way back to the boat.”  “NOOOO!  NOOOO!  I can’t! Just one more drink.”  -Almost my last words.

So, where does every drunk American go in the Caribbean?  You know, the most tourisy, ridiculous, closes to the boat- I mean seriously you can see it from here, bar.  Senor Frogs.

This was almost on our missing poster.  That would have been a shame.  I never want anything under my face to ever read “last seen at Senor Frogs”,  I also wish we had looked at this picture of our faces before we even went in.  We knew this was a terrible idea, but that’s never stopped me before.  One last drink, what could go wrong?

And that was the last thing either of us remember.  Like the very last thing.  No fuzzy memories.  No maybe this happened.  No nothing.

The next thing I knew, it was 10:30pm and I was in a wet bathing suit back in my state room with the door wide open and a group of strangers singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” at me.  Mike wasn’t there and our sink was full of towels.  I went to find Mike wondering what the process was if I didn’t, but luckily by the time I got back to the room he was there, equally confused as to how we got here.  We could never find the room completely sober.  The boat is so poorly designed there was no way to navigate it.

So that’s what we remember, here’s was happened.  This happened about a hundred times.

(Those are some chips we stole from the person next to us when they went to the bathroom)  This is the highly edited version.  There are literally hundreds of that photo on my phone!

At some point we made it back to the dock, the walk looked something like this.

We probably had some help from these guys, though neither of us remember them.

There were also a lot of photos in front of the Carnival Sensation, which obviously wouldn’t have happened with out the influence of something pretty strong.

I know it seems like some heavy drinking, but it was more than that.  I’m a pretty seasoned drinker (just ask my facebook friends), and I know my limits.  I did not have that much to drink and I’ve never not remembered 6 hours of my life.  It also seems peculiar that both of us would stop remembering at the exact same moment.  I’m not going to pretend we were of sound mind.  All of this happened on the way to Senor Frogs.

The difference is I remember those things.  Anyone who’s been on a cruise to Nassau can attest to the ordeal it is to get back to the boat.  You have to pass a million people trying to braid your hair or sell you things made of straw, then go through the metal detector to get back on the boat, then find your room in what is, again, just the most poorly designed boat in the world.  There’s no way we could go through all of that and not remember it.

Good news though, we had all of our things and were mostly clothed when we came to.  We also didn’t have to find an embassy, shell out tons of money for a plane ticket, and make a series of awkward phone calls.  All’s well that ends well I suppose.

Like so many things,  it was scary at the time, but now it’s kinda funny.  In fact, that wasn’t even the worst part of the Carnival Cruise Lines experience, not by a long shot.  So, this is either a cautionary tale about taking government threats more seriously or a testament to functional alcoholism… you decide.