![\"Christmas](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/Screen-Shot-2016-08-10-at-10.23.53-PM.png\")
<\/p>\n
\n
I’ll admit, it’s not as bad as it’s been before.\u00a0 In fact, from my experience living in Tennessee, a high of 52 is al fresco weather.\u00a0 The problem is, I’ve grown rather accustomed to this<\/p>\n
<\/span>That’s right, Nashville’s highs are my lows… and that’s kind of a cold snap.\u00a0 So my excitement about seeing my family for the holidays is tempered by knowing that I’m no longer capable of dressing myself for this weather.\u00a0 As such, I would like to revisit a trip to the Florida Keys, where I wish I were spending Christmas<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/span>In April of 2011 I took a road trip from Orlando to the Keys with my friend, Tracy.\u00a0 She got off work late that day, so we stopped by Walgreens for supplies and drove through the night.<\/p>\n <\/span>We had a room booked at Tavernier’s cheapest accommodations.<\/p>\n <\/span>We got there late. So late in fact, that the lobby was closed and our keys were left under a patio chair in an envelope with our full names and room number.\u00a0 There was a hole in the shower ceiling that housed either drugs or a video camera, our neighbors pulled something out of a couch cushion outside and smoked it, and the only hotel employee we ever saw was a 14 year old Puerto Rican boy.\u00a0 For the next few days, this was home.<\/p>\n <\/span>It turned out to be the perfect location though, because it was right next to the best breakfast ever.<\/p>\n Made 2 Order, “nothing famous, just better”.\u00a0 If you’ve regularly read my post, then you probably know by now that I’m a sucker for nonsensical slogans… remember this?<\/a><\/p>\n <\/span>But in addition to it’s questionable slogan, Made 2 Order also offers waterfront dining, and super Florida-y menu items like Tropical French Toast and Crab Cakes Benedict.\u00a0 Bonus, the inside is full of manatee paintings and their bathroom is one stall with two toilets.<\/p>\n It was also a short drive to the Theater of the Sea<\/a><\/span> in Islamorada.\u00a0 There they offer many bizarre animal encounter opportunities.\u00a0 The one we landed on was getting kissed by a baby sea lion named Bella that had a neurological disorder that caused her to move her head like Stevie Wonder.<\/p>\n <\/span>There’s plenty to do there without springing for the up close and personal animal encounters too.\u00a0 You can check out a show with this sea lion that looks like a Dr. Suess character<\/p>\n and there are dolphins there, which is always a good time.<\/p>\n In fact, there is a section in their website about Dolphin Weddings<\/a> that everyone should probably check out.\u00a0 I don’t know a lot about dolphins or weddings, but $50 for a dolphin ring bearer seems like a steal.<\/p>\n As we made our way further towards Key West, being that we’re both Jungle Skippers and there was a giant rusting rhino out front<\/p>\n we had to stop at the Safari Lounge.<\/p>\n <\/span>Here we bellied up to the bar and were greeted by the most wonderfully surly bartender.<\/p>\n “Are you girls 21?”<\/p>\n “Yes, would you like to see ID?”<\/p>\n “No, I just have to ask.\u00a0 It’s my job.”<\/p>\n <\/span>Pretty sure that’s not how that works.\u00a0 He got us our drinks and made friendly chit chat. Where are you from?\u00a0 Where are you staying?<\/p>\n When we told him about the Keys Motel, he offered the helpful tidbit of, “Maybe do some research next time.”\u00a0 Yeah, we did… it was the cheapest.<\/p>\n <\/span>He was also the first of 700 people to end an encounter with “Okay, you girls be careful out there” rather than “Thanks for stopping in.”<\/p>\n <\/span>This was in fact a landmark day in my life, because it was that night that I discovered, when pressed, I could MacGyver my way into a $3 bottle of Walgreens wine with a pair of tweezers.<\/p>\n The cork ended up in the bottle and there was a significant amount of splash back, but I’ve never been prouder.\u00a0 That was also the day I started carrying a cork screw in my purse.<\/p>\n <\/span>And of course, after you’re full of cheap wine in the keys, all that’s left to do is drunk climb on the African Queen.<\/p>\n <\/span>That’s the real African Queen.\u00a0 As in, actual working boat that was constructed in 1912, used for various boat purposes in Africa and then featured in the Bogart\/Hepburn film of the same title and now resides at a Holiday Inn in Marathon, FL where drunk idiots climb on it for photos.\u00a0 They really should supervise this.\u00a0 We went back for a more sober look in the daytime.<\/p>\n <\/span>After some quick photos, we finally made the drive to Key West, where we took pictures with anything that said “Jungle” on it, (it’s weird being a skipper).<\/p>\n We went to the Hemingway House and saw 6+ toed cats that confirmed my suspicion that the more toes one has, the meaner it is.<\/p>\n They do have some great names though.<\/p>\n <\/span>We also went on a tour lead by Hemingway’s ghost.<\/p>\n Afterwords, we went to the most festive bits of Duval St. where we found a store for tiny gay puppies.<\/p>\n and we also went on what, in hindsight, may have been a lesbian date at Better Than Sex<\/a>, a sexy dessert restaurant with chocolate rimmed wine glasses.<\/p>\n While in the Florida Keys, we drank all the things,<\/p>\n <\/span>we danced where we were told,<\/p>\n we saw the Southernmost point in the USA (which features another great slogan “Key West, home of the sunset”)<\/p>\n we had key lime everything,<\/p>\n <\/span>(those are key lime mimosas!)<\/p>\n we got a little weird,<\/p>\n and somehow, we managed to avoid buying flooring from this guy,<\/p>\n![\"Orlando](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/image37.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n