That’s a really great deal.\u00a0 I mean, I’ll eat that much on the first day!\u00a0 Now, if I can just convince someone to go with me we’re in business.\u00a0 I can’t take all the credit for that one.\u00a0 Partial credit goes to Stephano’s happy hour and a night before phone call to Courtney at Carnival Cruise Line to assure that there would be access to a Guy Fieri Burger Bar.\u00a0 After a few cocktails that’s a deal breaker apparently.\u00a0 Courtney assured us that there would be a Guy Fieri’s and this was a price that would never never never happen again ever.\u00a0 Even she can’t get it this cheap.\u00a0 What a deal!\u00a0 With that my friend Mike and I were set.\u00a0 We even convinced our friend Sean to go, but by the time we called to add him to our room it was $350, then $200, then not available.\u00a0 We called a lot.<\/p>\n Cruise for two it is.\u00a0 After a very thorough security check, a confiscated 6-pack, and complimentary pre-cruise groping, we were finally allowed on the Carnival Sensation.\u00a0 The first thing you notice upon boarding is the smell of cigarettes (which are allowed inside… not even top deck, inside inside) and that odd feeling you get when you when you’re inside an old shopping mall that everyone has forgotten about.\u00a0 You know, the ones from your hometown that still have stores that all closed down 20 years ago in the rest of the world, but no one bothered to tell them.\u00a0 Everything also had really porny names, like the Fantasy and Ecstasy dining rooms and looked like it was built in, and then not touched since 1985.\u00a0 Which is peculiar since the boat was built in 1993 and then dry docked for refurbishments in 2009.<\/p>\n We made our way to the bar for the worlds weakest Long Island Iced Tea, and that set the tone for the rest of the trip.<\/p>\n Everyone knows that the first thing you do upon boarding a cruise ship is to get food.\u00a0 It’s free for the duration of your cruise, so you have to maximize time.\u00a0 Unfortunately, the only food options open immediately after departure was a “deli” that had soggy grilled cheese or some actually passable pizza.<\/p>\n Insider Tip<\/strong>– If you go on a Carnival Cruise (which you shouldn’t) only eat the pizza.\u00a0 It’s not great, but it’s edible.<\/p>\n Here’s a fun fact about the Carnival Sensation- both dining rooms are on deck 8, but you have to enter from deck 9 and use stairs inside the dining room because the boat was apparently designed by a mental patient.<\/p>\n Another fun fact about the Carnival Sensation- none of the decks are actually numbered.\u00a0 They are randomly named things like Riviera, Main (that’s deck 5, which only has rooms and none of the things you would expect on a “main” deck, Upper (that’s the 6th… so the middle), Empress, Atlantic, Promenade, LIdo, Verandah, Sports, and Sun.\u00a0 That means that all of the elevators had non-alphabetical letters instead of numbers… except for deck 3.\u00a0 That was deck 3. 3, R, M, U, E, A, P, L, V, S, other S.\u00a0 Amazing design.<\/p>\n The dinner… I just can’t.\u00a0 Your choices, are steak, chicken or fish.\u00a0 All over cooked with no seasoning, served with bland mashed potatoes and veggies.\u00a0 I never though cruise food could be worse than airline food.\u00a0 It’s been a long time since I didn’t finish my dinner out of shear boredom.\u00a0 If this tells you anything about the crowd, there’s a section on the menu called “didja” for wacky things you would only try while its free… like sushi or guacamole.\u00a0 You’ll also notice a severe lack of Guy Feiri’s burgers… just saying.<\/p>\n When we got back from dinner we were greeted by a friendly towel animal that looked vaguely like a vagina.<\/p>\n and it kept happening.<\/p>\n Do better guys.<\/p>\n If you’re looking for activities on board and being groped in a smokey bar by a stranger in jean shorts isn’t your thing, you can check out sad mini-golf.\u00a0 A lot of the astro-turf has worn off and all of the obstacles are just large rocks, but you get what you pay for right?<\/p>\n Feeling fancy?\u00a0 Why not check out “A Touch Of Class”, the only piano bar at sea designed by Tim Burton’s 4 year old son.\u00a0 It’s definitely classy and not at all terrifying.<\/p>\n (that’s how we felt the entire cruise)<\/p>\n We were lucky enough to cruise during the holidays, which of course meant some special events, like shaking bells while the Carnival entertainment staff butchers Christmas carols.\u00a0 I don’t say that to mean that they were bad singers.\u00a0 I mean they actually didn’t know any of the lyrics to any popular Christmas songs.\u00a0 Like they didn’t even have a rehearsal.<\/p>\n Of course, our favorite activity on board was taking sad pictures in front of the DIsney Cruise<\/a> Ships we caught up with.\u00a0 We made a horrible mistake.<\/p>\n We were even excited to get off at Nassau.\u00a0 I always get off at Nassau<\/a> because of a crippling fear of missing out, but I’m never excited about it!\u00a0 Nassau is better than a Carnival Cruise, and their are fewer people trying to sell you junk as you’re walking by.\u00a0 I even got drugged on Nassau<\/a> (guess what my next post is about!) and I still liked it better than the Carnival Sensation.<\/p>\n The only good thing about Carnival Cruise Lines is that I’m pretty sure that these guys I don’t remember work there and got us back to our room.<\/p>\n That was maybe pretty nice of them.<\/p>\n I’m going to conclude this with some things I thought I would never say on a cruise.<\/p>\n![\"Cheap](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image92-e1419374060245-510x834.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Inside](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image74-e1419376019999-510x382.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"First](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image93-510x382.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Weird](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image75-e1419377732165-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Weird](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image91-e1419377781327-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Mini](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image77-e1419377889730-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Touch](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image86-e1419378156397-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Touch](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image85-e1419378213265-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Touch](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image89-e1419378246525-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Christmas](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image88-e1419378398363-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Christmas](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image87-510x382.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Never](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image76-510x382.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Never](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image78-e1419378550954-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Carnival](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image80-e1419378905770-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n\n
![\"Carnival](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image90-e1419379197959-510x680.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Carnival](\"https:\/\/magsonthemove.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/image81-510x382.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n